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Mother of the Year

Today I am wallowing in my awesomeness as a mother, and feel compelled to share a few stories that should definitely make your day. Maybe because its Monday, or maybe because Im out of diet coke - whatever the reason I feel like sharing this little glimpse into our insanity at the Beal house. 
My 5 year old middle child Spencer is a tiny guy. He is anti-food (I have considered genetic testing to see if he was indeed my child). We have struggled since he was 6 months old to make him not just gain weight - but enjoy eating!  We are the awesome parents that lets their kid eat fruit snacks for breakfast, nutella on everything, and chocolate milk all day long. Currently Spencer is 5 and weighs roughly 34 pounds. I'm pretty sure I've eaten a sandwich that weighed close to that recently.
Anyway, we discovered somehow with our kids that every single one of them freakishly LOVES taco bell bean burritos. This discovery became our saving grace with Spencer and there were many weeks where the only real sustenance he would consume was a burrito. Visiting Taco Bell became as ingrained in our daily routine as buying milk and hitting up the library. 
Recently one day at the drive thru, Spencer asked if he could order his burrito by himself, and hand the checker his money. I said sure and about died laughing as he yelled his order into the crackling speaker: "I want ONE bean burrito WIF NO ONIONS and also a widdle tiny SPRITE". (Have I mentioned his adorable lisp??). We pulled forward to pay, with Spencer's tiny arm holding his dollar bill dangling out the window. As the checker opened the window and told us the total, Spencer with a look of total bewilderment says to him, "Hey, wait a minute (long pause)....are you NEW here?" The guy laughed a little bit and said Yep! This is my first week working here. 
That's right. My child recognized that there was a new guy working at Taco Bell.
Even better? As we got ready to pull out of the drive-thru Spencer casually with a wave of his hand screamed, " welp - Ill see ya tomorrow!" and then rolled up his window!
At that moment I vowed to mix up our drive thru habits and start frequenting Jimmy Johns down the street a little more often....
Brigitte is my shy little magpie. She is drawn to all things sparkly and useless. Tin foil, beads, broken pieces of glass. She can't help herself - she must collect things and keep them in odd little piles in her room. The only thing she loves maybe even a little more than shiny trash - is some type of small container or box to keep it in! She amuses me this one. A few months ago Brigi peed her pants at school - while she was standing in line to tell her teacher....that she was about to pee her pants! She is so precious! Always concerned about the rules, and permission, and wanting to double check to make sure it is OK before she does ANYTHING - it is hard to believe this is my wild rebel of a lady who didn't sleep for her first 3 years of life. This picture is her in a nutshell: to shy to smile with her missing teeth!
 
Recently Brigitte brought to my attention, the fact that she was definitely too scared of dance class to continue on. Rumors were starting to circulate about a gasp - recital - and although she didn't really understand what this meant, I think she knew it had something to do with scratchy sequins and performing in front of adults - two evils in this world that she refuses to endorse. After many tearful pleadings I finally relented and gave up my ballerina dreams for my daughter and let her quit. Under the one condition - that she find a new replacement self-esteem building activity that she enjoys. So we sat down one day and opened up the ol laptop and started searching for some type of sport or class that she could take. 
I showed her tiny gymnasts sticking their landings. I showed her karate kicks and miniature cheerleading squads shaking their pom poms. I showed her the click-clack of tap dance, the joy and rhythm of Irish dance, the beat of hip hop, and even the awesomeness that was joining up with a swim team! She was horrified at each and every one of these options. Cooking class, art class, and pottery class were also vetoed. I was running out of options. 
And then I remembered the hours I spent as a youth admiring and watching the beautiful Ice skaters Ekaterina Gordeeva and Oksana Baiul. I quickly pulled up some youtube videos of routines and showed them to Brigitte. She sat quietly thinking and watching the skaters glide across the ice and perform a variety of twirls and jumps. "What do you think, Brig?" I asked with a very excited and high pitched voice! "Well", she whispered.... "Sometimes when little girls do Ice classes do their mothers never leave them?" Nope I said! their mothers stay the ENTIRE time - you don't have to be scared I will watch you the whole time! She paused for another minute and then quietly asked, "and sometimes when the children turn 8 do their mothers never EVER leave them at skating classes for sleep overs?" Hmm. I was sensing an abandonment theme... "Nope! I've never heard of mothers leaving their 8 year olds for sleep overs at skating class"! Again she paused. And then she said, "And when the little children are on the ice and their feet are skating really fast and the wind blows in their hair - do they sometimes deep down feel like its... fun???"
Bless her heart. This child has no idea how to recognize if something is even FUN??? Where have I gone wrong?! I about died laughing. I guess we have decided that Brigitte can just arrange her tiny piles of garbage in her room all day long by herself instead of risking a "fun feeling" inside. 
 Our family was recently stricken with the plague for the entire month of February and half of April. Benett got the brunt of it starting with pneumonia, then ear infections, then c Diff from all the antibiotics he had taken. One day while I was once again in Fred Meyers filling some prescriptions I had poor sick Bennycakes with me. Any time this child gets sick his first symptom is barfing. It doesn't matter if its the flu, a respiratory virus, or an ear infection - he just cant help himself and he throws up. Its been reeeeeaaaallll fun. (There are roughly 5-10 pictures of his barfcapades on my instagram feed if you are curious and or want to feel sorry for me.)
Anyway, I'm standing there in the checkout line buying the usual gatorade, pudding, and popcicles - when Benett starts to cry. He had a fever and was so miserable with violent diarrhea and tummy aches. I was hurrying as fast as I could, but he had had it. The problem is - once he starts to cry when he is sick - it always ends the same way. With a barf bucket. 
Luckily we had just left the hospital and I had grabbed one of those very extremely handy barf bags on my way out. I quickly reached into my purse and held it to his face where he swiped it away from himself with the ferocity of a wild jungle cat. The coughing started and I could tell danger was imminent. At this point I was next in line to check out and didn't want to give up my spot...plus I was blocked in my lane by a mom with kids in front of me, and a single man with a cart full behind me....which meant I was going to have to let my child throw up right there - and then proceed as normal.
The checker one lane over had caught sight of the distress and just as Benett heaved an entire box of mac n cheese plus a bottle full of chocolate milk into the barf bag - he came running over with some paper towels and water bottle. (Heaven bless the amazing people that work at my local fred meyer! they are always SO nice to us!)
Benett continues to cough barf into the plastic bag while I stand there getting stared at by every single person in the store. The sweet checker was next to me with a bottle of water - which he gently offered to Benett once the heaving had come to an end. With one swift and epically violent sweep of his grizzly bear paw, Benett simultaneously shreiked NOOOOOOO at the top of his lungs while slapping that full to the brim opened water bottle plum across the room. It barely missed colliding with the head of a shopper, and landed smack against a display of canned goods, spraying roughly 5 people on its way down, where it emptied into a giant puddle of a mess. 
The checker said "Don't even worry about it, we got it!" and I moved forward to check out. It was one of those nightmare moments when you can just feel the judgement from a million silent strangers.
Somehow when I signed up for motherhood I neglected to realize that one day I would find myself swiping a debit card with one hand....clutching a bag of vomit in the other, and standing next to a bunch of slightly damp people who had just witnessed my 3 year old become possessed by the devil himself. 
I hope you moms out there know how amazing you're doing just getting though the daily grind of life! Some days we succeed in doing wholesome educational activities over here...and some days are spent eating fruit snacks in front of the flat screen nanny all day long. I cry sometimes. And shake my fist to the heavens and scream WHY MEEEEEEE!!!!! We have spans of sleeplessness and stress and utter insanity over here! And you know what? Its hilarious! I've been dealt a pretty great hand - even if I whine about it every chance I get! Who can resist these little minions of mine?!!!
Happy Monday my friends! Do you have a wonderfully awesome parenting story to share with me? Please make my day and let it fly!
xoxo Christy

2 Responses

christy
christy

April 21, 2015

Kelly!!!! I am so excited for your baby airport adventure! Although I refuse to believe Lucy will be anything but charming and a total crowd pleaser on her flight! I have never braved a flying situation with any of my kids! I seriously cant wait for all your mom adventures! Keep me posted on the barfing, tantrums, sleep deprivation, and all the overflowing love of having a kid!!!!!!! Miss you so much! xoxo

Kelly
Kelly

April 21, 2015

Girl, you know I love everything you write so much. But this? This? This is BY FAR the most honest, hilarious, truthful thing I thing I have ever read on the internet! I am just obsessed with these pictures of your kiddos, and the even better picture that you paint with your writing. I had never thought about the possibility of holding toddler puke at the grocery store, but dang if that isn’t just something I am adding to my “mom arsenal”. I don’t have super stellar mom stories yet, but we are flying to Utah tomorrow so there is ample room for a few new stories!

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