Ive got PLANS people. BIG PLANS! In no particular order here are my very important resolutions for 2015:
1. Learn to speak french fluently. Bonjour! C'est la vie! Ooh la la! Im practically half way there already! I just figure after 4 years of french in school its time to take my language skills to the next level. I have already named my daughter Brigitte, developed a major crush on brie cheese, consider macaroons a basic food group - and wear scarves 24/7. Then again, if I remember correctly French was really hard. Maybe Ill focus on becoming more like Julia Child and master the art of french cooking instead. (Or who are we kidding, Ill probably just perfect the art of french kissing. Im lazy like that.)
2. Master the splits on both sides. This is a skill I have known that I needed to acquire ever since I witnessed Cirque du Soleil perform 'La Reve' in 2005. As soon as I saw those impeccably bendy girls unwind from their giant spools of ribbon dangling from the celing - my inner tiny Romanian gymnast was simply bursting to come forth - and its time to let her out.
3. Adopt a golden persian kitten. It's my hearts desire and yes, I am a crazy cat lady and I don't care who knows it! Sadly there are none of these heavenly little creatures anywhere near where I live and thus I will have to fly to some exotic destination - like Wisconsin - to fetch one. Totally worth it. Look at these beauties from Whisker Oaks: Don't you want to snuggle one and buy it adorable accessories and make it its own instagram account asap???
4. Learn to play the Guitar and write emotionally bitter songs of heartache and tragedy dealing with past lovers and bitter breakups like my BFF Taylor Swift. Or......master chopsticks on my green piano. Either one. Speaking of Taylor Swift - have you seen this AMAZING mashup? My actual 2015 goal is to get this song on all my portable devices stat. I heard this and was instantly in awe of the amazing talents of some people. (seriously though, where was I when the talents got handed out???)
5. Eat more Indian food. I don't really feel like my 2x a month trips to Bombay Grill are adequate, and therefore will now henceforth be visiting that fine establishment 4x a month. Or at least until the barely-English speaking lady who owns it learns my order, my name, and that I like extra cheese in my pakoras order. This is vital to my well being.
6. Redecorate my living room. Its time to say adieu to my lovely yellow pillows smeared delicately with nutella handprints from my 3 year old. Its time to exchange out the crusty old sweatshirt blanket that my dog throws up on occasionally -for a chic faux fur throw. And most importantly its time to hide some of my amish looking wood floor with a stylish and vibrantly modern rug. Im motivated. All I need now is about $5,000 to make this dream a reality!
7. Move. Upon thinking more deeply about goal #6, it occurred to me that I would have better luck abandoning my wooden palace man cave residence and finding new digs elsewhere rather than attempting a "beautification process".
8. Get rid of all my body hair. Seriously though - why in this day and age do I still shave??? There's practically a laser joint on every corner in a 5 mile radius from where I live, and a groupon to go with it. I am ashamed. I have no excuse.
9. Watch the entire 10 seasons of Friends on Netflix from start to finish. I've done this once before and it filled me with so much joy. I felt like I got funnier in real life, and theres nothing better than admiring Rachel Greene's crazy hair extensions and fashion choices that were "so in" back in the day. (also - is everyone aware that Saved By The Bell is also on Netflix?! This provided hours of entertainment for me this week!)
10. And last but not least - my final goal for 2015 will be...............FIX MY EYEBROWS! There I said it. I have crazy eyebrows that are OUT.OF.CONTROL! I am going to go somewhere and learn the mysterious art of eyebrow taming and live to tell the tale!
I hope you all had a triumphant New Year! We celebrated by watching Charade and eating buffalo chicken like we do every year - and then promptly went to bed at 10 pm (like we do every year.) Gone are the days of wearing a giant purple fur coat and walking around down town til 2 am with my best giggling girlfriends. Welcome to the reality of wifedom/motherhood - where the babysitters are scarce and so are your dollars. Where your eyebrows are out of control and Indian food is your only comfort. Where your living rooms are ugly and your legs are hairy. Where you can't sing like taylor swift or do the splits like Dawn Johnson. I dont live in France, and the only french words I know are related to food. Here's to another excellent year of being a crazy cat lady! Cheers!
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